Horror Movies

Horror movies are a staple of our film industry. Sadly, they are in short supply—many of the recent horror movies released in the past few years are remakes. Some fairly recent remakes include Nightmare on Elm Street (1984, 2010), Friday the 13^th (1980, 2009), My Bloody Valentine (1981, 2009), The Crazies (1973, 2010), and Halloween (1978, 2007), among many others. Not only do these remakes exhibit the complete lack of originality in the horror film industry, they are entirely unnecessary. My Bloody Valentine is perhaps one of the worst offenders because they change the killer. YOU DO NOT EVER CHANGE THE KILLER!! (It is in the horror movie commandments, look it up.) For an original, unexpected horror movie, watch Cabinin the Woods (2012).

There are certain rules one must abide by to survive a horror movie (this mostly applies to slasher films—supernatural horror films don’t necessarily work like this). Watch the video now. It’s the rules from the Scream Trilogy.

In addition to these, you never say "Who's there?" or open the door when someone knocks or call out when no one’s there if you stupidly do open the door. Never run up the stairs in a chase—only stupid people do this for there is nowhere to go but out the window. Never go looking for the killer. Never split up. Always double-tap—the killer isn’t truly dead unless you shoot him in the head or some similar fatal killing. The best weapons are those you don’t need to reload (this is true in zombie movies, too). And if you’re blonde and/or have big boobs, you must be hyperaware of the rules and your surroundings—you’re the most likely to die. Well so long, I’m screwed.